Focusing on the essentials after brain injury
Follow Krysalis blogger Anne Ricketts as she unravels more brain injury mysteries in her new series offering lived experience insights to other survivors:
2022 and A New Heart and Dreams - Part 2: Focusing on the Essentials
One of the first steps I had to take was shifting my understanding and attitude. 
In Part 1 of ‘2022 and A New Heart and Dreams,' [1] I mentioned living rather than simply managing.
I think most of us hold the dream of truly living again but have no idea how to get there.
For us - those of us living with the outcomes and effects of brain injury - it can be impossible to imagine how getting our lives back would look and feel.
We have to set inside that intention of living again and then consciously let go.
Setting an intention is more like planting a seed rather than setting a goal. You can nurture it while rebuilding practical skills.
For me, the dream of feeling whole again burned like embers beneath the surface of my moment-to-moment struggles and bewilderment.
Quite instinctively, I visualised a river. Reaching the bank on the other side was my objective.
I knew there was no fast and easy way to get back to who I had been before; there was no bridge to take me 'home.'
Instead, I pictured steppingstones, and these symbolised my goals.
The target intention needed to be within my sight but not interfering; it needed not to distract me.
Instead of the wish being my focus, it became my driver; it was the fuel for my inner fire.
Everything else I wanted to accomplish became a goal – one of those steppingstones I needed the courage to reach.
I had no idea how complex achieving each goal would be; I had no sense of the time and effort it would take to rewire my brain.
But time isn't a crucial part of what we need to consider. It has no relevance – only growth matters.
How long we take is how long we take. We don't start school thinking that it will take a year to learn basic numbers – we just set about absorbing the lessons. There is no ego in the way.
The attitude of willingness to absorb is the one we need to use when working with specialist therapists; it is the growth that matters, and they will give us the tools we need to achieve that.
Human beings need two essential things in their lives: growth and contribution. We need to feel that we are moving forwards and are helpful.
We need purpose, and sometimes, if we believe we no longer have one, thinking in this way can push our 'flow' and hence, ability to rewire away.
When we push our flow away, we create obstacles that get in the way of our happiness. We create unhappiness which, in turn, manifests as 'unconscious denial.'
We feel like we are trying very hard but are not getting anywhere.
Our life purpose, pre and post brain injury, is never about what we are doing – it is always about who we are.
One of the steppingstones or goals we must aim for is to apply disciplined attention to rebuilding daily living skills.
When we do this, it can feel like we pay all our attention to our needs. However, when we are doing this, we are also contributing to the lives of everyone around us.
We get better for everyone because the people who love us want us to become independent again.
By addressing the broken neural connections, we can create space in the brain for thinking. We create more space for listening to and helping others.
As each daily living skill becomes a habit, we have more freedom to choose where to focus our attention and energy.
We need to address those steppingstones methodically to avoid chaos and hit and miss experiences that can further bewilder and dishearten us.
Rewiring the brain takes professional guidance. Getting this support and keeping an open mind is a crucial step to living your life again instead of managing it.
The new wiring allows us to start to feel whole again. However, we must be careful not to put the cart before the horse.
We can't do everything at once. We need to put some goals on the back burner and trust they are constantly warmed while we attend the pots on the hottest plates!
But knowing which goals are most important isn't easy with a brain injury.
So, with your whole life tossed into a pot of minestrone, expert input helps extract the most crucial aspects to focus on and gives you a starting point.
Problem-solving following brain injury can be complex for many reasons, but I think, from my experience, this is mainly because of the inner battle for control that is going on.
The reptilian brain, focused on survival, wants to take charge, and our creative instincts are focused on regaining our former independence.
The inner battle begins.
The analytical brain has gone AWOL, and our ship's captain has fallen overboard.
These two missing or damaged aspects of our thinking are the ones we would otherwise rely on to bring control and direction to make good choices and decisions.
The analytical brain and the captain of executive functioning usually work together to help us control our mentality.
They enable us to 'catch' thoughts and reframe anything that doesn't serve our best interests. We think before we speak.
The captain of our ship is the thinking metacognitive or higher mind. We hear direction as the inner voice within us.
When it works, the captain – or thinking voice - does the problem solving by giving clear instructions to the brain. It is the captain who creates our flow or mojo.
When we are making conscious choices, we feel in charge and happy.
Any absence of flow creates persistent feelings of bewilderment, confusion, and a sense of perpetual overwhelm.
We use this 'higher thinking' to tell the brain what we want it to do.
Beliefs = instructions
For example, if we believe we have no purpose, this is the instruction we are giving to the brain.
Unconstructive commands create negative emotions. Discouraging emotions are how the brain tells us to think again and redirect our intent and energy.
When we don't realise this, the brain can spiral into a loop of repetitive thinking. It can feel impossible to find the ends of the chain to unravel the self-critical and meddlesome web of senseless noise.
If we believe we can't do something, the brain understands we 'don't want to.' The brain wants to match what we are telling it.
The mind or the thinking voice in our head helps us break things down, stay focused, and problem-solve.
This thinking voice is the part of us that often becomes so broken that we can no longer see the wood for the trees.
We can no longer hear ourselves think, and our thoughts, driven by the frantic autopilot, seem to have an entire plan of their own.
Learning mindfulness techniques can help to calm the brain long enough to create a pause. We can focus on one thing within this space and stick with it.
If things happen to you rather than because of you – this is a sign that you need outside help.
Although it still feels like you can do all the things you could before, what is much more difficult to notice is that things are always going wrong because your autopilot has taken over.
It feels like fate constantly pushes you out of balance and creates one cascade of challenges and emotions after another; it is another sign that you need professional help.
I will discuss getting your mojo back in Part 3 because this is another crucial aspect of living again rather than managing.
Further reading
Read more about Anne's lived experience of TBI and her inspirational tips on managing daily life with a brain injury here:
[1] 2022 and A New Heart and Dreams – Part 1: Turning wounds into wisdom after brain injury
How neuro occupational therapy transformed me four years after a brain injury
Re-claiming life after brain injury
Nutrition and diet after brain injury
Covid-19, brain injury and me: Diaries of an ABI survivor – Part One
